The homosexual agenda is more sinister than you think

Once again, I feel compelled to set Heather straight. Although I will grant that her very generous assessment on whether or not I can, in fact, "bring it," was correctly stated. I am well known for my "attribute," and not at all shy about it, as Heather knows given our common experiences during certain intoxicated, star strewn evenings last month, right after the Republicans soared to victory. Ahem.

Now, as for this "homosexual agenda" business.

Heather, you're incorrect in your assessment of Barbara, Steve's vile harpie of a wife. It is not that Barbara would like to be penetrated (I shan't use the Language of Heather during my missive, which I find horribly vulgar) by the Men from Oz. Barbara would, in fact, like to be a Man from Oz.

You see, Barbara's hatred does not stem from her disappointing sexual experiences with Steve. We acknowledge Steve's failings in this area (and there are so many more, but let's stay focused). However, her hatred of homosexuals -- homosexual men, in particular -- derives from her lifelong struggle to control her deep and unquenchable longing to become, and thrive as, a gay man.

Just look at her. Look more closely. Do the words "drag queen" pop into your head unbidden? Of course they do.

This should not shock anyone. Indeed, as Herman Hesse once said: "If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us."

How right he was. Indeed, one notes that this theory is borne out just by perusing that old Information Superhighway. The Traditional Values Coalition, for example, which enjoys "Empowering People of Faith through Knowledge" is supposed to concentrate on such issues as the right to life, fidelity in marriage, abstinence before marriage (how awful), pornography, patriotism, and civic duty, as well as homosexuality. However, one notes that nearly all of the current events at the site are directed at, yes, the homosexual agenda. Just look at how many articles and news bits refer to homosexuality. Just watch that news banner crawl by.

As Hesse teaches us, the Traditional Values Coalition is, therefore, run by a bunch of fags. Now if that isn't a slippery homosexual agenda, I don't know what is.

So, Heather, can you wrap your little mind around that? No? Then get your skinny behind over to my office right now. The Professor believes you're in need of a spanking.